I thought Today’s Horoscope from over at the Shattered Prayer deserved a larger audience, so here it is:

Aries: Hey, watch yer head there buddy… ouch.. thats gotta hurt.

Taurus: Are you awake? How can we tell? Shut off Oprah and say something dammit.

Gemini: I wouldn’t eat that pita bread if I were you… no.. scraping the mold off isn’t going to help. Okay… just put 911 on the speed dial.

Cancer: Oh, quit crying already, he’s not coming back.

Leo: Stay away from beaches this week. No, you’re not in danger, but those twelve pies you ate last week are going straight to your hips.

Virgo: Awwww… its your birthday. Know what? I don’t care.

Libra: All the flowers and the candy and the romance paid off. Now get to the clinic for a shot of penicillin.

Scorpio: Take it from an expert, forget the honey-barbeque sauce, babies are tastier with hot sauce.

Sagittarius: Fuck you, Pluto IS a planet!

Capricorn: All your hard work will be rewarded. Now lend me some money.

Aquarius: If anyone knows where the good drugs can be found, its you. Thats why I like you.

Pisces: Shut up, no one takes you seriously.